A couple of days ago, Oprah featured a heated debate with stay-at-home-moms versus working moms. It began with an interview with Elizabeth Vargas, who stepped down from the most coveted job on tv – the anchor woman for the nightly news – to spend more time with her kids. She is still on air, but not logging as many hours. Now, she’s receiving a ton of flack from some women who feel her decision is a ‘step-back’ for women’s rights everywhere. Umm…Isn’t it her decision to do what’s best for her family? Anyway…This is an emotional issue for many of us. A few months ago, I posted some of my feelings on the subject. It struck a nerve with y’all, because a lot of you commented that day.
So...Can women "have it all?" My opinion is that life’s full of compromise, sacrifice & choice in all things. It makes us better. So yes, I miss my job like crazy sometimes. I thought long & hard about going back to work. But FOR ME, I would be sacrificing something that I wanted even more – to be here at home full-time during these early years. Doesn’t mean that it’s 100% rosy all the time, or I don’t have days of missing the fulfillment of my professional career. But in the long run, it’s what’s best for me & my fellas.
6 comments:
it's sad that there are such harsh judgments on women regardless of which choice they make... especially when it comes from other women! although i know i've been guilty of it at times. i think we should be proud of our unique roles and celebrate the fact that we live in a world where we have choices. i for one am so proud of the women in my life who are raising children - whether they are doing it by staying at home, working, whatever. they all work harder than me, that's for sure. the definition of having it all is going to be different for everyone.
No, women can't have it all, but neither can men. A mommy's bond with her child is different from that of a daddy. We are connected to them from moment life begins. Their need for our physical proximity is instinctual. To me, staying home with my kids was a complete act of "giving in" to that need. I didn't choose to stay at home because I thought it would be wrong not to; I was blessed with the opportunity and took it. Have I wondered 'what if?' You bet. But I'm happy with my decision and I wish every mom could feel that way...who needs more guilt and second-guessing?
I don't think there should be a line of contention drawn between those who provide full-time care for their kids and those who don't. It's full-time love from all of us, right? Either way, we're all (dads, too) sacrificing something.
But, hey, might that not be the very definition of parenting?
You're right! No one solution is right for everyone. Each person should do what is the best solution for them and their families. I had intended to continue working full time once Mc got to be a couple of months old. Once she was here though, I realized I couldn't leave her, but that I would need a break during the week. That's how I came to my current 10-15 hr a week work schedule. It works for us, but it wouldn't work for everyone.
I watched that episode too. It really made me think... I felt sorry for the stay at home mom, I kept feeling like she had to defend her "position". Too many moms these days are full time workers outside the home. I'll admit anytime that my days at home with Sophie are much more difficult than my 12 hour work days! I could see both points of view though. I think the most important thing is to make a decision and feel good about it.
Oh yeah, and I really liked what that black lady said about being "connected" whether you stay at home or work! What a great point. That gave me something to think about for sure!!
My children are grown, 20 and 24 years old. I never had a choice about working but all I wanted to do in the world was raise children. Since I didn't have a choice, and knew I never would have one, I determined to get the best job I could since I was going to be away from my children during the day anyway. The first years were hard, especially when they were little. I was a very involved parent even though I worked and through a couple of failed - or may never-should-have-been marriages - I always put my children 'first.' But sometimes putting them first means finding a way to get to work even when they're sick because at the end of the month it was just me paying the bills. For me, loving my children included providing for them. They will never know how hard it was and how much my heart ached to be with them. Now, years later and a business owner, I don't know what I would be doing now if I had not worked all those years. I am very grateful for our business (Carrie was our first employee!) and know that I am doing what God wants me to do with my life. So I'll just say this...'having it all' changes from one stage of your life to another. For me it was work while my children were young or don't have children. Now it's figure out a way to help my 20-year-old daughter, the light of my life, figure out how to support her new baby, work and finish school - with no spouse. What will 'having it all' mean in 5 more years? I don't know. But I do know that it'll be different from what it is right now.
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